Morgan Campbell: A Writer on Sports and More

A couple of weeks back we discussed Manny Pacquiao’s basketball prowess, and how the Philippines Basketball Association excommunicated an American player who suggested Pac-Man isn’t quite the hoops savant Pac-Man thinks Pac-Man is.

Looks like Daniel Noble spoke to soon. The video evidence is in, and Manny Pacquiao is, in fact, the best basketball player in boxing.

If you notice Pacquiao’s slow release… or that he always shoots from the same spot… or that he’s the shortest guy with this highest dribble ever… or that he has no right hand… or that his glaring lack of a handle would render him the fastest small guy never to take a defender off the dribble…

You’re a hater. You should be fined and suspended.

Instead, focus on the shots Pacquiao swishes, and how even a single made basket means he’s  better than his buddy Drake.

Problem is, Manny Pacquiao likes to play basketball… in running shoes… during training camp for the richest fight in history. If there’s a better recipe for an event-threatening injury, I haven’t seen it.

At least I hadn’t until I saw Floyd Mayweather earlier this week, chopping giant logs in what appears to be a makeshift lumber yard set up in his Las Vegas estate.

Here we have an entire news segment built around eight swings of an axe, which is amazing.

We also have a reference to Rocky, because what fight preview is complete without a nod to a fictional pugilist? And if the anchor can describe Mayweather’s outfit in such detail she should pay equal attention to Rocky’s shearling, and the fact that Paulie risks dismemberment every time he places a piece of wood on Rocky’s chopping block.

But then we learn Muhammad Ali used to chop wood in training camp, which suggests the technique might not be super unusual. I’d venture chopping wood was at some point a reliable method of building core strength and muscle endurance.

Then one day a strength trainer somewhere had a revelation:

Why don’t we just bang an old tractor tire with a sledgehammer? Same muscle activation. Exponentially less risk of losing an eye to flying wood chips. Plus, what the hell am I going to do with all these chopped-up logs in the gym?

Et voila: Updated training method. The Internet calls tweaks like these Awesome Life Hacks.

That you’re repurposing old tractor tires instead of destroying trees add value to this workout upgrade. Think of the environment. It almost qualifies as a carbon offset.

But we all know ecological concerns are abstract and not urgent at all.

The bigger issue is the fight, and what happens if a wayward wood chip hits Mayweather in the eye. All this Rocky stuff won’t be so novel and entertaining then.

Mayweather senses it at some level. He doesn’t think to wear goggles — I’m guessing they didn’t have any with the TMT logo.  But in those 12 seconds he swings the axe eight times, while at least three times he glances at unseen spectators like, “How much longer I gotta do this sh*t?”

Can I stop now? I’m going to get wood chips on my Polo thermal, and possibly my cornea.

No longer, Floyd.

Buy an old tractor tire and a sledgehammer and swing away.

Brand them all with the TMT logo. Wear goggles just in case. Do whatever you want.

Just don’t be the guy to derail the fight. Pacquiao’s ankles have me worried enough.

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